Dr. Alena Čandová once called her resilience "endurance that helped me live in misalignment." We talk about why you can rehearse a hard conversation a hundred times and still lose the words, why resentment is a messenger, the difference between performing peace and actually having it, and one small thing that helps your body feel safe enough to say the true thing.
"It's not your personality. It's your nervous system."
Dr. Alena Čandová has worked with the body and nervous system for more than 20 years as a doctor of chiropractic and a trauma-informed coach. She's the author of Grace Over Grit: The Neuroscience of Claiming Your Inner Authority.
For years she told herself she was just an easygoing person. The truth was she had no boundaries. She said yes when her body said no, and she'd lived that way so long she mistook the pattern for who she was.
In this conversation, we get into why the hard conversation isn't really a courage problem. You can rehearse it, find the courage, and walk in, and still lose every word you planned to say. Alena explains what's happening in your body when that happens, and what to do about it.
We talk about:
— Resilience that's really endurance, and how we mistake patterns for personality
— Where your body tells you you're out of alignment (the knot, the clenched jaw, the tight chest)
— Why you rehearse a conversation 100 times and still lose the words when you get there
— "Little Robin is running the show": the younger you who shows up in hard moments
— Breathing into the tension instead of breathing it away
— Practicing a hard conversation, and the moment the simulator made me cry
— Why being hard on yourself makes it impossible to learn
— Why we do great at work and struggle at home
— Resentment as a messenger, not a flaw
— Performing peace vs. real peace
— One small thing you can do today to help your body feel safe enough to say the true thing
MORE FROM DR. ALENA ČANDOVÁ
Website, book, and booking: sattvaintegralhealth.com
Book: Grace Over Grit: The Neuroscience of Claiming Your Inner Authority
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🗓️ FREE LIVE WORKSHOP
Close One Loop — Live: "How to Go Home for the Holidays Without Becoming Who You Used to Be"
Tuesday, November 17, 7:30 pm Mountain (6:30 PT / 8:30 CT / 9:30 ET) on Zoom.
Old roles, old rooms, old conversations, and how to show up as who you are now. You'll leave with the role named and your first sentence ready.
Register free: closetheloopsnow.com/live
Prefer to start on your own? My free Close One Loop tool is at closetheloopsnow.com.
Want to practice the conversation first? Try the Difficult Conversation Simulator: try.pplskillz.com
The Liberated Life is hosted by Robin Quinn Keehn, Human Dynamics Specialist, Certified Mediator, and author of Stop Stealing From Yourself.
What conversation is worth your courage?