David Lengyel has watched 500,000 people communicate under pressure. What breaks down between two executives is the same thing that breaks down between two people who love each other. We talk about the conversation we call "patience" when it's really avoidance, and what the silence costs.
My guest has spent 40 years watching something most of us only feel from the inside: what happens between people when the pressure is on. He's seen it in real time, with half a million people, as trust gets built or quietly broken.
David Lengyel's company, Venture Up, runs experiential team training. His teams work with groups ranging from a handful of leaders to more than a thousand people. What he's found applies well beyond work. What breaks down between two executives is the same thing that breaks down between two people who love each other.
We talk about:
— Why teams (and families) don't fail overnight. They fail in the cracks.
— "Being patient" vs. avoiding: what we think we're protecting when we delay the conversation
— How silence turns into assumptions, and why those assumptions tend to be the worst-case kind
— Listening to respond instead of listening to understand (and the moment I caught myself doing it at about age 10)
— "Qualifying the messenger": deciding whether someone has earned the right to be heard before we hear them
— The automatic "no," and what it might be protecting
— How we teach kids to dream big and then teach them to "be more realistic"
— Why giving someone time to answer, without rushing them, can change a conversation
— What everyone needs: something to work on, something to believe in, and something to look forward to
— The two sentences behind most conflict: "I thought you were going to do this" and "I thought you wanted me to do that"
David's bottom line: it will always be easier to prevent a problem by communicating a little more clearly than it will be to fix one.
MORE FROM DAVID LENGYEL
Venture Up: ventureup.com
Also on LinkedIn.
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If you've been calling it patience, my next free workshop is for you.
🗓️ Close One Loop — Live: "How to Stop Being the Bigger Person"
A free 50-minute Zoom — Tuesday, October 27, 7:30pm Mountain (6:30 PT / 8:30 CT / 9:30 ET).
Why keeping the peace keeps costing you, and the conversation that changes it. You'll leave with one loop named and your next move on it.
Register: closetheloopsnow.com/live
Prefer to start on your own? My free Close One Loop tool is at closetheloopsnow.com.
The Liberated Life is hosted by Robin Quinn Keehn, Human Dynamics Specialist, Certified Mediator, and author of Stop Stealing From Yourself.
What conversation is worth your courage?